long time [Tuesday: March 7th, 2006 @ 8:35pm] It's been a long time since I have written anything on here. As you can tell by the page and the look of my little journal here, that the people that originally designed it for me do not care for me anymore. Seems to be the story of my life right now. I am the loneliest I have ever been in my life. My grandma aparently isn't doing too well and I have to go home tomorrow sometime so go see her since she isn't going to make it too much longer, which is one of the most depressing things i can think about. I have spent a ton of my life with my grandma and to just know that the things we used to do together will never happen again. It's like a huge part of my life is being taken out. It has been this way for a few years now, mostly when I went away to college, but in the past 2 or 3 years, it has been bad. More and more things happen to her to put her in the hospital or not at even 50% health. Just the thought of not having someone that close to you there anymore scares me. The older you get, the harder life is and the more heartache you will feel. The feelings of losing a loved one to death or with a significant other is more prominant. It sucks to think, "I'm 22 years old, alone, and I have no idea where my life is going." As aggrivating as that is, it's life. Would you be my little cut?

none [Monday: July 11th, 2005 @ 6:16pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Brand New ] Well, once again it has been a while since I have written on this thing again. I haven't talked to the only people that read this in a while, so that kind of sucks... Anywho, I have been really busy with work. I have had to work a lot of crappy long ass shifts the past week or so. But I am really excited because I might get to fly out to Denver to see my friend Jen, who used to work with me at subway and I have known her since my freshman year. The only problem is ofcourse....money. I am basically trying to get a loan so I can pay off my apt. and my phone bill and for the plane ticket and just pay the money back to the bank. I know the interrest sucks, but atleast I won't be really late on any payments or anything. Subway sucks and doesn't pay too well, so hopefully my plans work out. I recently purchased a book by my favorite author, Chuck Palahniuk. He is the dude that wrote Fight Club and other really good books. Anywho, it's a fiction book about a getaway and lets people write out and talk about their F'ed up stories. I will tell you about one of them, but it is pretty graphic and gross, so don't read it if you don't want to. But I am just warning you..... So this guy is at home by himself at his parents house, I think he is in high school. Anyways, he decided to go swimming in the pool. While he was in there, he decided that it would be fun to masterbate in the pool. So he "catholic sinning" in the pool and saw the pool vaccuum. Being the moron that he is, he decided to get another stimulation by putting his ass hole up to the vaccuum. I might also tell you that this vaccuum has 400 lbs. of water pressure. So when he did this, the vaccuum started sucking out his intestines. He was freaked out and grabbed on to them, otherwise the vaccuum would have totally sucked them out of his body. It said in the in the book that he thought of two options: 1. he could drown in his own pool masterbating and getting his intestines sucked out of him, or 2. He could let his intestines rip out and run to the phone to call 911. But he thought of a different option, he wanted to tear his intestine in half, and then call 911. The book said that doing this would be like filling a condom up with peanut butter and trying to rip it in half....it's not going to happen. He also figured this out by trying to tear it in half, but then he decided the best thing to do would be to bite it in half. So, that is what he did, and he said that it was gross because he was surounded by seamen, poop, blood, and other things.....gross huh? And that is just one story!!!!! Well, hope you enjoyed that little story and until next time...... Music Quote: "And even if her plane crashes tonight she'll find some way to disappoint me, by not burning in the wreckage, or drowning at the bottom of the sea." -Brand New (my fav) TV Show quote: Stewie (to Jeremy, the babysitter's boyfriend): "Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn teether sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow"! Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder" Would you be my little cut? 1 Cuts

none [Monday: July 4th, 2005 @ 1:51pm] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | My Chemical Romance ] It's thunderstorming here in mt. pleasant, which is awesome cause it's my fav. I love it when it rains. I really don't have much to say, but oh well. Happy 4th everyone. Last night I went to Bay City to watch the fireworks since last night was the big night of fireworks. I'm not sure why it would be on the 3rd and not the 4th, but oh well. It was so fricken packed there. It took 25 minutes or so to go 2 miles to actually get into the town area off the exit. But overall, it was pretty sweet. They had some cool looking fireworks. Well, I told you I didn't have anything to write, so that is all. I am not doing anything today and probably not tomorrow. Til next time.... Music Quote: "I used to long for broken bones I used to long for a casket to call my own I never had a problem facing fear but I'm done, over and out my dear." -Alkaline Trio Movie Quote: "Jules: Whoa... whoa... whoa... stop right there. Eatin' a bitch out, and givin' a bitch a foot massage ain't even the same fuckin' thing. Vincent: Not the same thing, the same ballpark. Jules: It ain't no fuckin' ballpark either. Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but touchin' his wife's feet, and stickin' your tongue in her holyiest of holies, ain't the same ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport. Foot massages don't mean shit. Vincent: Have you ever given a foot massage? Jules: Don't be tellin' me about foot massages - I'm the foot fuckin' master. Vincent: Given a lot of 'em? Jules: Shit yeah. I got my technique down and everything, I don't be tickling or nothin'. Vincent: Would you give a guy a foot massage? Jules: Fuck you. Vincent: You give them a lot? Jules: Fuck you. Vincent: You know, I'm getting kinda tired, I could use a foot massage. Jules: Man, you best back off, I'm gittin' pissed. -Pulp Fiction Would you be my little cut?

None [Sunday: July 3rd, 2005 @ 1:14pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Alkaline Trio ] Hmm, this is the first time that I have written in this thing in consecutive days...Anywho, I don't really have much to write, but I am just sitting here and listening to some music. It's what I am generally doing if I'm not working. Yesterday it was my roommate Stephanie's 21st birthday, so she had a bunch of people over. It was pretty fun. We did a little drinking and played with some fireworks and what not. I didn't drink much, probably cause I never do. I'm not a big drinker. One of Steph's friends slept in my bed last night, and regardless of what everyone thinks, I'm not a man whore....so, I slept on the couch downstairs. Today I think is just going to be a chill and watch movie day. I don't have to work and I am fricken happy. I'm not sure if I am going to get a job at Old Navy or at Pisanello's. Which is pretty depressing, but it's not a guarentee no yet. I am just waiting to see what it is that God wants for me. Whether it be relationships to a job to everything else. Eh..... Well, until next time. Music Quote: "These words are misleading A whisper almost screaming The anger slowly takes it shape" -Denver Harbor Movie Quote: "I know it's pretty baby, but I didn't take it out for air." -Requiem for a Dream Would you be my little cut?

None [Saturday: July 2nd, 2005 @ 5:04pm] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | Funeral for a Friend ] Well things haven't exactly been great the past few days. Worked has sucked and things have just been sucky in most ways. But it's fine. I have a few days off of work right now, so hopefully I will be able to read a book or something and relax and not have to worry about anything. On a funnier note, yesterday when I gave plasma, or attmpted, something funny happened. The lady was talking to me and stuff and then poked me. Everything was cool, the she put one of the pieces of tape down the hold the needle in, but then she looked at it strangely and went to mess around with the tape. All that was going on in my head was, "you're going to rip it out..." and sure enough, when she pulled the tape, she ripped the needle right out and blood just exploded out of my arm. It was insane. My arm, the seat, the floor, the machine, and her coat was all covered in blood in a matter of seconds. It was really cool looking, seeing as how I like to see myself bleed. It was just weird since it happen so quickly. I should have just started screaming..."Oh my God, I am bleeding...I'm going to Die!!!!!" That would have been more funny, but it would have been mean, so I decided not to. Anywho, I didn't have to give plasma, they just cleaned me off, but a bandage on me, and paid me $30. It was sweet. Well, that is all for now. Hope you enjoyed the story. Til next time..... Music Quote: "I lick my wounds Trying to cleanse the infection Rabid and diseased reality fades away When I pushed myself too far A dream of emotional perfection Has left a wounded heart Trying to perceive the gifts inherent inside me It's like squeezing the trigger It's like opening fire On everyone who's let me down On every beautiful lie that is only fiction For the first time I'm losing control and I like it Freedom feels like the noose is gone" -Atreyu Movie Quote: "Well bye-bye, then...you stupid mother fucker...." -punch drunk love Would you be my little cut?

None [Monday: June 27th, 2005 @ 8:57pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Senses Fail ] It hasn't been the best couple days for me. I broke a girls heart, gotten a lot of people pissed off at me, and had a lot of people remind me of what an asshole and man whore I am...Oh well, I deserve it. I just plan on taking it easy and not meet anyone for a while. I haven't been in a good mood lately. Work today and the past couple of days has sucked balls. It has been so fricken busy. I can't stand it when it's lined up past the door and half way to the back of the store. I don't see why people think this is the only fricken subway in town. Don't get me wrong, we have some of the coolest and nicest people at my store, but for the love of God, there are 3 other subways in this town. I know I wouldn't wait a half hour for a fuckin sub, but that is just me. Oh well. I applied at Old Navy tonight since they said they were looking to hire some people for some morning shifts. I am also going to apply at Hot Topic and Pac Sun tomorrow at the Midland Mall. I was looking for some jobs around here that were 3rd shift, but I can't even find one of those. Not being able to find a job sucks ass! I am giving plasma tomorrow at 11am, so that is pretty sweet. I enjoy giving plasma for some reason. I would probably even do it if I only got paid $5 per time. I rented "Closer" and "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" tonight and am going to watch Fast Times probably tonight. I haven't seen Closer, but my woman is in it, so I have to watch it!!! Well, that is all for now. Not sure when the next time I will write in here will be, but stay tuned..... Music Quote: "our souls they speak of something more, but we cant look beyond ourselves. we implore empty skies because our hearts hold room for no one else, we extend our claws to grasp at shadows of the ideals we have, lost causalities of a subtle dagger, buried to the hilt in our hearts, blood on our hands." -Thrice Movie Quote: "My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell." -American Beauty Would you be my little cut? 5 Cuts

None [Thursday: June 23rd, 2005 @ 12:28am] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | Pink Floyd ] It's been a few days since I have written in here, but life isn't too interresting, so I guess it doesn't matter. But today was a pretty decent day. I gave plasma early this morning and then I bought groceries for the first time in 4 weeks. Before that, I was living off subway, which to some of you doesn't sound too bad, but it sucks after a while. Later on today, I received a call from Jenna telling me that she was going to come see me. I was ecstatic to say the least. I also got a call from Genevieve and she said that Jenna was going to stop and visit her and that she wanted me to come too. So, I did. I actually lost my ouiji board virginity tonight as well. It was really cool, unless Gen or Jenna was moving, then it sucked. But otherwise, it was pretty kick ace. Here are some of the things that I learned..... -I am going to die when I am 78 -I am marrying Jenna in the year 2007 -We are having 4 kids, the first is going to be a boy....Thank God...no offense to the ladies...:) -The person who we were talking to died in the year 1232...I think That's pretty much all that I remember. Well, I am tired so I am going to go to bed. Jenna stayed with Genevieve tonight, so I will see her tomorrow. But it was awesome seeing Gen and again and it will be awesome to have Jenna stay with me tomorrow. Peace out for now..... Music Quote: "Is a lie just the truth Uncovered and relinquished A passion for all young fools? Is a lie more than truth A question left unanswered To feed the failure of our choices?" - Funeral for a Friend Movie Quote: "All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not." -Fight Club Would you be my little cut? 4 Cuts

None [Sunday: June 19th, 2005 @ 3:22am] [ mood | content ] [ music | Silverstein and/or Slipknot ] Well, it seems to be a pattern that I only write in this thing really fricken early in the morning right after I talk to Jenna and right before I go to bed, but hey, what are ya gonna do? Well, today I worked the suicide shift at subway, which actually was alright. I worked with cool people and we weren't too busy, except for the fact that everyone and their mom had a huge ass party sub going out today, which kind of sucked. I was the only person making subs for people that were coming in, which got kind of stressful. Marcy was making the party subs and Aubrey was making the bread and doing a bunch of other crap, so that left me doing everything else. It was alright, but you can only take so many people saying, "I need 4 subs." That is so fricken annyoing. I hate it when there is a line to the door and every single person has to get a multitude of subs. But oh well, it's over now and I am really looking forward to going to the concert and seeing my baby! I didn't really do too much else today/tonight. I went to meijer and took back the little amount of cans that I had so I'm not 100% broke. I have a whopping $1.50 until wednesday, so let's just hope that I don't run out of gas..... Well, that is all for tonight I'm afraid. Until next time, this is me....signing off..... ps. I am going a different route today...my quote is from a movie, not a song...so, from now on, my quote will be from a song OR a movie....just thought you would like to know. :) "There is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there." -American Psycho (great movie and book!) Would you be my little cut? 4 Cuts

None [Saturday: June 18th, 2005 @ 12:49am] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | Still Remains ] Well, today was a pretty normal day. I don't know why anyone would want to read this...I mean, I don't write anything interresting on this. Nothing huge happening in my life right now except that I recently gained a wonderful girl in my life.....:) Anywho, today I woke up around 11 or so and went and gave plasma at 1. It's basically my only income for right now until wednesday when I finally get fricken payed. I am basically selling my bodily fluids (no, not that pervs) just to eat and to go see my woman this weekend. I am really pumped to go see the Alkaline Trio this Sunday. I am also really pumped to finally see my girl again. I am really fricken excited. I miss her a little...:) Tomorrow morning, or more likely, yet again, later on this morning, I have to fricken work the suicide shift at subway. It's the 11am-7pm shift. It's called that because when you are done or even half way through it, it makes you want to do just that...it sucks some massive balls. But it will be worth it when it's all done, cause it's one day closer to see Jenna. Well, I am going to end it tonight with a quote, as you will soon see, is what I always do. Goodnight all and have a good one. I've felt the hate rise up in me Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves I wander out where you can't see Inside my shell I wait and bleed -Slipknot Would you be my little cut? 2 Cuts

Long time no post [Friday: June 17th, 2005 @ 3:06am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Coheed and Cambria ] Well, it's been a while since I last wrote in this thing. I hope everyone likes the new design of my page, done by my beautiful Jenna! Which brings me to the next thing I am going to write about. Jenna called me at 5am Thursday morning and told me she wanted to be with me, which was really cool. So...we are officially a couple. Sorry ladies, I am now off the market! Anywho, I'm sure you can see that it's really fricken early. I just got done talking to Jenna and am about to go to bed, but I thought I would write in here first. I am going to give plasma at 11am tomorrow, well, later on this morning. I'm doing it this time so I have gas money to go see my girl! It sucks that I haven't gotten paid in 3 weeks cause it sucks being poor. But when wednesday comes around, I'll have some fat cash. Well, you know that isn't true since I work in a college town and at a subway, but I will have some cash atleast. Well, I really don't have much else to say. But I will tell you that at the end of all these little entries, I am going to write a quote of a song that I have recently listened to. It doesn't neccessarily describe the way I feel or anything, it's probably just something that I like. That is all. "pull the trigger and the nightmare stops." -coheed and cambria Would you be my little cut? 2 Cuts

First Entry [Sunday: June 12th, 2005 @ 1:51pm] [ mood | grateful ] [ music | Brand New ] Well this is my first entry here. I don't really have much to say accept I think I am falling for her..... Would you be my little cut? 1 Cuts

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